You’re*

I have a pet peeve. Actually I have many but one in particular makes me want to turn into a mass murdering psychopath and that’s when people use the wrong ‘your/you’re’. Upon seeing the wrong word being used my body starts convulsing, I develop a nervous twitch and anger consumes every cell of my body. Basically I turn into the Incredible Hulk. And no, sadly I’m not exaggerating.

My mind just does not comprehend how someone cannot see the distinction between the two words. It’s my firm belief that if you are over the age of 10, and you do not know how to use the words properly, we need to let you go. Clearly, somewhere down the line, you have stopped evolving and society as a whole needs to let you go. It’s the only solution. One less moron pissing in the shallow end of our gene pool.

It’s not just the misuse of ‘your/you’re’ that I worry about. It’s all homophones. ‘Their/There/They’re’.
Surprise! They are three different words with three different meanings. If you don’t know that by now, kindly go outside, drive yourself to the nearest large body of water and drown. Please and thank-you.

Some people in the past have been inclined to call me a grammar nazi. This may be true. I round up the ungrammatical misfits, comment on their posts, patronizingly correcting their errors, judge their lack of intelligence, worry about the state of the world and then torture them with piano wire until they conform. I do it out of love. They have to learn somehow.

Now I get that English is one of the hardest languages to master. English doesn’t always conform to the rules, which makes it appear like a linguistic anarchy. However it isn’t, and it most certainly isn’t an excuse to try and make it one! I see it more like a constitutional monarchy: somewhat anachronistic but designed with conformity in mind. You can’t just make rules up as you go along. It just makes you look like an idiot. And gives me a reason to fantasize about your death.

Now while I’m at it, another thing that irritates me is when people make grammatical errors and then proceed to either deny or justify them.  I have very few talents in life, and definitely none that are remotely useful, but I have a superpower when it comes to finding grammatical errors. Show me a chunk of writing; I probably won’t understand a word of it but if a grammatical error has been made the siren in my head goes off, my body turns green and I’ll start hitting things. It’s magic.
The amount of times people have tried to justify their mistakes by saying, “oh it’s just an oversight, I have an IQ high enough to get into Mensa, you don’t need to educate me in homophones” is staggering. If you don’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’, the only way you’re getting into Mensa is if they need some plastering done and yours is the cheapest quote!

Ahhhh rant over. I feel better now. Just don’t get me started on people who use ‘ur’.

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