The headless chicks are hot.

Are you the type of person that pays attention to mannequins in clothing shop displays? Because I am. I analyze their facial expressions, body language, whether they have feet, the shoes they’ve got on, what their shoes say about their personalities, how skinny they are (on a scientific scale of 1 to Posh Spice) and what they’re actually wearing. If I like their clothing (and it’s seasonally appropriate – mannequins that wear shorts and singlets in winter annoy me) then I’ll go into the store and see what all the fuss is about.

Now for those unaware of Australia’s ‘fashion’ outlets, Sportsgirl is a pretty big one. They are mainly aimed at 15 to 35 year old females and sell everything from jeans to party dresses and accessories. Think of them being like Zara, only half the quality, double the price and with considerably more leopard print. Nonetheless, Sportsgirl seem to be a staple store for when you need to buy clothing or want to get into serious credit card debt. I put sportsgirl’s popularity down to their headless and fabulous mannequins. I frequently walk past my local store and see the mannequins. I have become so familiar with them that I have named them Abby, Laura, Sophia, Joan and Mildred.

Just kidding, that would be weird.

The mannequins are so well dressed they make the impossible look, well, possible. Which normally you think would be a reflection of amazing clothing, perfect mannequins and an expensive stylist. But you see, there just has to be more to it. The clothing at Sportsgirl is only well…nice. I write ‘nice’ preceded by an ellipsis to signify a hesitant pause, because while I like most of the clothing there, I find much of it…interesting. So interesting in fact, that I have some questions I’d like to ask Sportsgirl:

  • What is with your obsession with fluro yellow?
  • Do you actually think anyone above size 8 can pull off fluro yellow pants?
  • Why do you mix so many prints on the one item of clothing? Stripes and spots shouldn’t belong together.
  • I’d like to know why you insist on mixing sequins and prints on everything too.
  • Whose grandmother did you steal the crochet jumper from?
  • Why don’t you let me nap in your change rooms?
  • High rise flared jeans and denim jackets are back in fashion are they?
  • Are we still in the 1970’s?
  • Why are you selling 5 types of clogs? Please tell me they’re not making a comeback.
  • When you say ‘sale’ do you really mean ‘a couple of dollars off’?

But I digress, what I really want to know is how do they make the mannequins look so good!? No one on the planet can pull off sequins and leopard print with more sparkly sequins with fluro yellow jeans and clogs! Yet, I see the mannequin and all I want to do is go in and buy the aforementioned ensemble. I get the logistics behind dressing headless mannequins, it’s similar to dressing a headless doll, or a boy, or a heavily-sedated dog. But I just don’t understand how they do it. When I try to pull off the whacky combinations they do, I end up looking like a homeless person on drugs.
Regardless, their master plan is working. Along with infuriating me, the irresistibly quirky mannequins are enticing me into the store.  Now all I gotta do is find an outfit to match my fluro yellow clogs…

A Sportsgirl shop front.
I want the toys in the background. And the mannequins.



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