Hi, I’m a girl and I can actually pay for things.

So you know that time when Prince Charming woke Snow White out of her enchanted sleep with a kiss? Well not a lot of people know this but straight after, he asked her out on a date. That night he picked her up around 7:00, they took a short horse and carriage ride to this really hip french restaurant in the woods where they ate snails and talked about rainbows and butterflies. At the end of the night the waiter (a squirrel) gave the bill to Prince Charming who paid for it with his far far away land money. Prince Charming then drove Snow White back home, walked her to her door, kissed her goodnight and reminded her that they were to be wed next week.

A lot has happened since that night.

For starters, Prince Charming and Snow White broke up, feminism – the radical notion that women are in fact human beings became a thing, women gained educations, they got the right to vote and work (almost for equal pay-we’re still working on that one), they became liberated and independent and realised that Prince Charming didn’t exist and whats more, they didn’t need him to.

No one can argue that we’ve come a long way in the last 100 years, but Prince Charming and his outdated, old fashioned ideals still haunt us. That becomes evident every time a man and a women go on a date and the man has to pay for it. It is a facet of dating that I have never understood.

5050Women have fought to be considered equal. We wanted (and still strive for) equal opportunities and equal rights. So why is it that when it comes to courtship and dating we’re so quick to revert back to tradition rather than progression? Why is it just accepted ‘common knowledge’ that a man pays for a date?

The cultural tradition of having the man pay for a date stems back to a time where women didn’t have an opportunity or right to an income and thus had no choice. It’s also a time where women were only really ever housewives and lived in their husbands shadows. I struggle to understand how today women want to rid themselves of this image, be independent and equal yet still feel ‘entitled’ and expect to be paid for?

I know southern belle’s and wannabe Snow White’s out there are losing their minds with this notion, but just because you can make a baby doesn’t entitle you to a free meal. Rather than looking for a suga-daddy; it’s easier and more rewarding to just become your own sugar-mama. We live in a time that allows us to get an education, to earn an income, to own our own things and to make it without the aid of a man. We should be celebrating our independence rather than reverting to and accepting traditional gender roles.

I’m not saying go on a crazy feminist rant next time you go on a date. That may freak the boy out and ensure you don’t go on a second date (I may know this from experience). But don’t go with the attitude that the man has to pay either. And definitely understand that ‘chivalry’ doesn’t mean the man pays for everything. There is no easier way to exercise equality than splitting the bill. It’s also an easy way to send a message about what age you live in and how you expect to be treated.

You’re equal. Be thankful for it, embrace it and act like it.

feminst

My first date opener…

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3 thoughts on “Hi, I’m a girl and I can actually pay for things.

  1. A few points here:
    1) Women have always worked. This notion of the upper middle-class housewife didn’t apply to very many people. Most women worked. As domestic servants, as shop girls or hawkers, as seamstresses, as factory workers, etc. This has always been the case. Only a privileged few didn’t have to work and could pursue their own hobbies on their husband’s dime. And really, there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what you want to do, but most women in history have never had that option.

    2) There’s nothing inherently wrong or condescending with a man wanting to pay for a date. I think you’re reading way too much into it. Men pay on a date because they usually do the asking and the person who requests an outing should be prepared to pay for it and if they like a girl, they simply want to treat her. If I ask a female friend out to lunch, I offer to pay because I did the asking and because I like her and want to treat her. She will usually do the same for me if she requests an outing. If a woman wants to pay, that’s fine, but frankly, if any man accepted my offer to pay on a first date, there wouldn’t be a second date. To me, that screams “moocher” and is a red flag indicating that, were we to have a relationship, I could expect to be the breadwinner all the time.

    3) Women want to be “independent” and “equal” while still feeling entitled because society tells them they should and most people don’t have the emotional or intellectual maturity to sort out the mixed signals they receive from society. It’s the same thing as when women are confused about whether they should want to be valued for their sex appeal or their brains. They always want both, even though they can never realistically have both. The “having it all” myth has done women a lot more harm than good and we’d do well to be rid of it.

    4) I completely disagree with your notion that women cannot be independent if they accept traditional gender roles. I’m a housewife and I intend someday to be a stay-at-home mother, but I don’t see how that makes me any less independent than anyone else. My husband may be the one who earns the money, but our relationship isn’t about money or keeping score. He does his part for our family and I do mine and the money he earns belongs to both of us, which I’m free to spend as I see fit. I have my own interests that I pursue and if I wanted to get a job, my husband wouldn’t object unless it interfered with the well-being of our family (the same restriction we place on his job, btw). This idea that traditional gender roles results in a woman who is virtually a slave and kept under lock and key in the home with nothing to do but cook, clean, and make babies is a straw man created by feminists. I’ve never actually seen evidence of it in real life.

    • Thank-you for your comment. I value you opinion but I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree.

      I’m not suggesting that women haven’t worked in the past but it’s only recently (and still in small numbers) that they have taken on prominent political or high paying roles. The fact that only 16% of board seats in Fortune 500 companies are held by women is at least in part due to traditional gender roles and the way society subsequently views women.

      My main argument is the case of this post is that when women go out on a date with a man, irrespective of who asked, in most cases they expect to be paid for. You said yourself in your comment that if a man does not pay for the date he is a moocher and you would think you’d be required to be the breadwinner all the time. What is to prevent men thinking the same thing of women who refuse to pay? And why is it a problem if the woman is the breadwinner?

      I am not suggesting that women must pay on dates or that there is a rule daters must adhere to, I’m just suggesting that we have to break down our traditional views. No one, regardless of their gender should ever expect or feel entitled to be paid for. If a man wants to ‘treat’ a women, that’s fine. So long as neither of them have a problem when the roles are reversed.

      Choosing to be a housewife is your own prerogative (although I remember reading a recent post of yours where you found a job – congrats!) But I know for me personally, I aspire to be financially independent and have career ambitions. Either way both of our life choices should render us equal to men as any less would be an insult. Thus when it comes to dating it doesn’t make sense to me that one sex should always pay for the other.

      And in regards to your point three, I don’t think I quite understand what you’re trying to say. But I believe that the ‘women can have it all’ myth isn’t actually a myth. I’ve seen firsthand how my mother has raised a family, had a successful career and been a role model for me. Thus for me, having it all is something to aspire rather than a damaging myth. And just for the record, my dad and her split the bill on their first date. 😉

    • Wait. wait. If you offer to pay and he accepts you wouldn’t date him again!? That seems ridiculously harsh. Like our girl Tijana says, expectations are the gender issue here. As long as you and your date are on the same page I’m sure all will be well, but I know I expect a guy to take my offer to pay for lunch seriously.

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