You can bank on me to be annoyed at banks

This is a story about a girl and a bank.

Let’s call the girl Tijana as that is her real name.
Let’s call the bank MAB for fear of getting a fee for using the banks real name.

One sunny day, Tijana went out for an afternoon stroll. The heat of the sun was comforting on her shoulders and the faint song of the native birds created a gentle symphony as she walked. All was well with the world.

When Tijana made it back to her home she noticed the postman had come by. After opening her mail, Tijana found out that she’d been charged a $35 missed payment fee on her credit card. This was bizarre to Tijana as she had paid off $200 a couple of weeks ago and the total amount left owing on her card was less than $35.

Being a naturally curious person, Tijana called up the bank and inquired into her missed payment fee.

“Well Miss” said the pleasant voice on the other end of the telephone, “You failed to make a payment after you received your statement.”

“But,” Tijana optimistically pointed out, “I paid $200 just before I received the statement and thus there were only a few dollars remaining on the card.”

“Yes Miss,” the pleasant voice said, “but after you receive a statement you must make a minimum payment of $10.”

Tijana felt a little confused by this notion. She felt she was not making herself clear so sought to explain her position further.

“Yes, but I made a maximum payment of $200, which is 20 times more than $10.”

“Yes, but that wasn’t a payment. You were decreasing debt.”

“Isn’t that what a payment is?” Asked Tijana out of genuine curiosity.

“No Miss, a payment is what you do after you get a statement.”

“So anything I pay before a statement is in fact, not a payment?”

“Yes, that is correct Miss.”

And with that Tijana learnt the valuable lesson that there are only 15 days out of every 45 where a payment is actually called a payment. And the bank will charge you an exuberant fee (one that in Tijana’s case is double her current debt) should you not make your payment during the ‘correct’ 15 days.

Sadly, with the threat of global warming upon us, the Amazonian basin cannot afford enough paper for Tijana to explain just how ridiculous this is.

Nonetheless, Tijana has long accepted that the world is stupid so she just tries her best to accommodate it. Thus Tijana tried to set up a periodic payment which would deduct the minimum $10 from her normal account and pay it to her credit card preventing future punishments for high treason such as this.

However MAB does not have the facility to deduct payments every 45 days which is what Tijana needed it to do.
To be fair this is probably good news as the bank would charge every automatic payment made a $2 fee. And should there be insufficient funds when the bank tried to transfer money they would charge a fee of $50. Presumably, this would also incur the $2 transaction fee and also result in the $35 missed payment fee.

I don’t pretend any of this is funny or of any interest to anybody, but I feel the need to get Tijana’s story off my chest.

And to make the story less one-sided; in defense of the banks they are wonderful institutions that bolster the economy by awarding their CEO’s million dollar salaries and thus create a demand for luxury cars and holidays.

At least it’s a sunny day.

The end.


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