I’m just going to come out and say it; I love you! I love you with all my heart. I love you more than I love all the other cosmetic products combined. I love you more than a fat kid loves cake. I just can’t even begin to imagine my life without you.
Mascara, you’re the most undervalued cosmetic product in existence. When I wake up in the morning I stumble to the bathroom and catch a glimpse of my scary morning self in the mirror. I have puffy eyes, a swollen nose and cheeks (the Gods didn’t impart a friendly sinus on me) and hair so big and out of control I fear it will jump off my head and attack the empire. Needless to say, my reflection is enough to jolt me awake in the morning.
I find myself asking the mirror, “Who is this monster girl and what have you done to Tijana?” Thankfully, my reflection can’t talk otherwise it would shout things like “You were supposed to get up an hour ago”, “Well you’re definitely not going to have enough time to go for a run now“, “Maybe you shouldn’t have had that third glass of wine last night hmmmm?”
Evidently, my reflection is super condescending and extremely bitchy in the morning.
So every morning I go through the same process of mild self hatred followed by regretting last nights activities followed by a mad rush to have breakfast, jump into the shower and make myself look somewhat human for the day. All whilst making a conscious decision to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier from now on; so I can both go for a run and not look like a bona fide member of the Adams family every morning.
Now see, Mascara, this is where you come in. I don’t usually wear a lot of make-up (because (a) I never have any time and (b) I have no idea what I’m doing) but I’ll usually splash on a little tinted moisturizer and on the odd day wear a little eyeliner. However, the best part of my whole makeup process is that I save you for last. I see you looking at me from your dedicated ‘mascara draw’ just waiting to be of service to me. I do everything else and think “Yeah, this looks nice, people will recognize me as a human today” and then I put you on and it’s like “I’M A MODEL!”
Yes, that is the effect you have on my appearance and self confidence. Do you now understand why I love you? You’re my secret weapon in life. I have vowed that on the days when I can’t even muster the energy to run a comb through my hair, I will always wear you.
I won the genetic lottery when I didn’t get either of my parents short stumpy lashes. By some miracle of the Gods (maybe as payment for the uncontrollable sinus) I was given flared lashes of a respectable length. However they are very fair at the ends, so when I cover them with your beautiful black coat they get impossibly long and thick and make me convince myself that there is an eyelash modeling profession and I should be in it. My heart skips a beat every time someone asks me “Wow, are you wearing fake lashes?” I know it’s you that’s getting the compliment and not me, but that doesn’t stop me from blushing and turning into a giggly 5-year-old.
But it’s not all rainbows and butterflies Mascara, sometimes you do annoy me. Especially if I’m wearing you and it’s raining. Or I’m crying. Then Mascara you make me look like a hooker stuck in the rain. Now, like anyone else I’m prone to a good tear session. I mainly cry when I remember that Ryan Gosling and I aren’t *actually* dating, or when I watch a Disney/Pixar movie or when I see puppies in all their cuteness and one falls asleep on the other and it all gets too much for me. But thankfully Mascara, you’re a true friend so you come in waterproof too. You’re just so considerate Mascara. If only some boys could take a leaf out of your book.
At the end of the day Mascara, I don’t like to think of myself as a shallow person and I’d like to believe that people value me for what’s inside as apposed to the length of my lashes. And by the same token, I value people for who they are as apposed to the lengths of their lashes.
I shouldn’t be looking to my appearance for validation and should find self confidence just from being me (which I do). But all things considered Mascara, you do make be feel good about myself. You make me more confident and considerably less scared to look into the mirror. So for that, I’m not making any apologies. I want to thank you for your contribution in making me look like a human being every morning and for all the fun times we’ve had. You rock my world Mascara, you really do.
Your greatest fan,