What it’s like to be a twenty-something as told by Mean Girls, Bridesmaids and Girls.

Golly gosh, I love the inter-webs.
I found this little gem on them and just had to share it.
Kudos, BuzzFeed.


If you’re a twenty-something you probably feel like this:

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College was all like:
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But now you’re all like: 
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And…
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Most of the time you just want to yell at the universe.
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Because no one understands you. 
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With boys, it’s like:
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But with your girlfriends is more like: 
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And every time you say to a boy:
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He’s just like: 
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At which point you’re like: 
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And in the end, you don’t even want a boyfriend because:
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So I guess what I’m saying is that being in your twenties is hard.
Most of the time is feels like this: 

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Because the problem is: 
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But at the end of the day, you’re only twenty-somthing so you should be doing this:
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To see the whole story, you can head to the BuzzFeed article here.

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Hi, I’m a girl and I can actually pay for things.

So you know that time when Prince Charming woke Snow White out of her enchanted sleep with a kiss? Well not a lot of people know this but straight after, he asked her out on a date. That night he picked her up around 7:00, they took a short horse and carriage ride to this really hip french restaurant in the woods where they ate snails and talked about rainbows and butterflies. At the end of the night the waiter (a squirrel) gave the bill to Prince Charming who paid for it with his far far away land money. Prince Charming then drove Snow White back home, walked her to her door, kissed her goodnight and reminded her that they were to be wed next week.

A lot has happened since that night.

For starters, Prince Charming and Snow White broke up, feminism – the radical notion that women are in fact human beings became a thing, women gained educations, they got the right to vote and work (almost for equal pay-we’re still working on that one), they became liberated and independent and realised that Prince Charming didn’t exist and whats more, they didn’t need him to.

No one can argue that we’ve come a long way in the last 100 years, but Prince Charming and his outdated, old fashioned ideals still haunt us. That becomes evident every time a man and a women go on a date and the man has to pay for it. It is a facet of dating that I have never understood.

5050Women have fought to be considered equal. We wanted (and still strive for) equal opportunities and equal rights. So why is it that when it comes to courtship and dating we’re so quick to revert back to tradition rather than progression? Why is it just accepted ‘common knowledge’ that a man pays for a date?

The cultural tradition of having the man pay for a date stems back to a time where women didn’t have an opportunity or right to an income and thus had no choice. It’s also a time where women were only really ever housewives and lived in their husbands shadows. I struggle to understand how today women want to rid themselves of this image, be independent and equal yet still feel ‘entitled’ and expect to be paid for?

I know southern belle’s and wannabe Snow White’s out there are losing their minds with this notion, but just because you can make a baby doesn’t entitle you to a free meal. Rather than looking for a suga-daddy; it’s easier and more rewarding to just become your own sugar-mama. We live in a time that allows us to get an education, to earn an income, to own our own things and to make it without the aid of a man. We should be celebrating our independence rather than reverting to and accepting traditional gender roles.

I’m not saying go on a crazy feminist rant next time you go on a date. That may freak the boy out and ensure you don’t go on a second date (I may know this from experience). But don’t go with the attitude that the man has to pay either. And definitely understand that ‘chivalry’ doesn’t mean the man pays for everything. There is no easier way to exercise equality than splitting the bill. It’s also an easy way to send a message about what age you live in and how you expect to be treated.

You’re equal. Be thankful for it, embrace it and act like it.

feminst

My first date opener…

Boyfriend applications now open:

Disclaimer: This post is entirely a joke. Unless you’re someone that fits the criteria. Then it’s not and you should contact me immediately. 

I have been single for a few months now, and whilst it’s been fun going out and meeting new and different people I’m finding it hard to meet guys I am attracted to. I think part of my problem is that the kind of guy I’m waiting on is wandering round a record store somewhere in Paris in 1951. Or is named Ryan Gosling.
So to make the search easier, I’ve decided to start accepting boyfriend applications and deem the below criteria vital for anyone who wants to run the gauntlet that is me.

You must be:

Tall
At a solid 5’6 I am of average height for a women. What’s more, I am in a constant state of denial when it comes to my height so will frequently claim that I am taller than I actually am. When wearing heels I am 5’9. I refuse to be taller than you in my favorite shoes, as that is socially humiliating and I am incredibly shallow. Thus anyone applying must be at least 6’0 or above.

Intensely smart
I tend to be most attracted to engineers, chemists and physicists. Whilst their general dorkiness makes them devoted, reliable and attentive boyfriends – there is also something outrageously attractive about a man who is brilliant in the areas in which I am legally retarded.
I consider myself fairly handy in areas that make no money, such as literature, language, debate and history. However I tend to hold immense disdain for men who share these areas of expertise as I find their ideas flimsy, their argumentative style predictable and their vocabulary paltry. That being said, extensive knowledge of proper grammar is a prerequisite for any future boyfriends.
Additionally, men with practical skills such as builders or navigators may apply as I lack functional skills and men that can read maps impress me.

Funny
This should go without saying. Being funny is as important as being nice. How men who lack the charm and finesse necessary to make a women laugh still remain in our gene pool is beyond me. But I will certainly not be reproducing with them. My eggs are hilarious, your sperm must be the same.

Pretentious
I like a man who is self-assured to the point of obnoxiousness. Enough said.

Maintaining your hair
I’m attracted to men’s hair. Calm down, there are weirder fetishes out there. Now I don’t have a preferred haircut; I just want you to know what style you’re going for and actually be able to pull it off.  If you do not care about your appearance and go years without seeing a hairdresser (not because you are growing your hair but because you can’t be bothered) you need not apply.

Open to wearing cable knit
Look, some people are into S&M and some are into role playing. I’m into cable knit. Now I’m not suggesting that I’m into just anyone who wears a cable knit cardigan, but I certainly believe that all men are at least slightly improved when wearing cable knit. Especially when worn with a white oxford shirt, tight (but not too tight) jeans and nice shoes.
However, I have a tendency to wear a lot of cable knit myself so we must coordinate our outfits over the phone each night to avoid ever committing social suicide by walking round wearing matching cable knit jumpers. 

Polite
You know how the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? Well the way to my heart is through manners. I’m a stickler for graciousness, politeness and respect.
Be polite and in return I promise to never give you food poisoning with my cooking.

Desirous of children
No, I’m not one of those crazy women who is looking for a sperm bank with legs. I like being 22, having no responsibilities, making terrible decisions and getting drunk at 1 in the afternoon when I feel like it. But eventually I’d like to have children and I’d like the person I end up having children with to want them too.

Able to grow facial hair
Beards, when grown properly are incredibly appealing. Even the knowledge that a man can grow a beard is attractive. It just proves you’re a man and not a boy waiting for puberty to kick in.

Willing to be henpecked
I am never satisfied with anything. I have an almost never-ending list of personal flaws and past mistakes, yet I sit atop a golden throne of judgement, from which I point my jewel-encrusted scepter at you and tell you to iron your shirt. I will pick fights with you constantly because I mistake disagreements and fundamental differences for passion. I consider a night in which we throw dinner plates at each others heads time well spent. I will find your most insecure points and needle at them until they are raw, bleeding stumps and you are weighing out the pros and cons of murdering me and making it look like an accident. I will be infuriating. I will be insufferable. I will be incredibly frustrating – but I won’t be boring.

A thrilling conversationalist
As you may be able to tell, I’m not short on either words or opinions. I like to debate until people’s ears bleed, and fall immediately in love with anyone who can do the same while holding my attention. You’re required to be able to form your own opinions, defend them and then should they differ to mine, ultimately change your views to agree with me.

Well, there you have it. A brief list of the humble requirements for the future love of my life. It’s not much, trust me. I’m easy going and open to change (no I’m not).
Applications will be accepted for the next few weeks after which the interview process will commence…

T

Looking like Ry may ensure an application’s sucess

 

Why boys who play guitar are actually Greek Gods:

Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with a boy who plays guitar. It’s solid advice that has been passed down from generation to generation. The premise behind it is simple, boys who play guitar have never had to work for a girl. Ever. All they do is play and girls throw themselves at them. It’s like magic. But it’s black magic and will leave you disappointed, heartbroken and drunkenly analyzing your life at 10am on a weekday.

Given I don’t heed good advice very often, I always fall for guys who play guitar. Now don’t get me wrong, the ability to play a stringed instrument isn’t the only requirement I have for a life partner. I usually don’t even know if a guy plays the guitar until it’s too late. But there seems to be an aura around guitar players that my body (and that of 99.99% of other females) respond to. And that response is usually ill-fated love. Now why is that?

Psychology tells us that most attraction has it’s roots in the unconscious desire to pick a good strong mate. Nerds and geeks are hot because they wear old fashioned jumpers we subconsciously want our kids to be smart. Athletes are hot because their bodies are pretty we subconsciously want our kids to be strong. Therefore, it makes evolutionary sense for women to find guitar playing men attractive because we subconsciously want our kids to be moody.

Wait. What?

I’ve done my research (this is a very pressing topic after all) and truthfully there is no real biological reason for loving guys that play guitar. However, there is a long standing cultural tradition that dates all the way to the Ancient Greeks that explains it.
It always has something to do with the Greeks. 

Meet Orpheus.
Orpheus played the ancient version of guitar called the lyre. He was a legendary musician, poet and prophet who had the ability to charm all living things. So basically he was a lot like Ryan Gosling with a guitar. Orpheus was so good at playing his lyre that birds, flowers and rocks followed him round everywhere he went. I don’t really understand why rocks would follow him as I’m fairly confident they don’t have ears but I digress. Orpheus married a women named Eurydice. Unfortunately though, Eurydice died on their wedding day. There are many different accounts on how she died (the Ancient Greeks weren’t that great with the whole accurate record keeping thing) but it’s not really important. Orpheus became overcome with grief, he played sad mournful songs that made the Gods weep and subsequently invented emo music. Even the rocks that followed him round became depressed.

Orpheus then decided to fully embrace goth, and travelled to the underworld to convince Hades to give him Eurydice back. At first, Hades said no, but then Orpheus played a song which made Persephone (Hades’ wife) cry. Maybe she too had a weakness for guys who play guitar. Or maybe Orpheus sang about the time Hades kidnapped Persephone and forced her to be his bride and the song just brought back bad memories. Either way, Persephone was overcome and Hades felt awkward so he told Orpheus he could have his wife back but with one condition (there’s always a catch).  Orpheus could lead his wife back to earth if he never turned round to make sure she was following.

Because I can’t resist putting a photo of Ryan Gosling in a post. And he has a guitar.

Unfortunately now, our story takes a turn for the worse as Orpheus had trust issues. Before reaching Earth, he turned around and subsequently Eurydice died (again). That’s the general gist of the story anyway. Other Ancient Greek writers (namely Plato) paint an even harsher view of the situation. Plato (rightly) suggests that if Orpheus really loved Eurydice, he would have chosen to die to be with her. So basically, Orpheus was a non-committal coward who wanted to cheat death and get his love back the easy way.

And so the tradition of the ‘guy with the guitar’ being irresistibly charming and yet unable to commit and generally being a wanker began.
Thousands of years have past, but little has changed.